Positive Communication

Are your discussions with your mate or significant other leaving you feeling less than satisfied? It may be wise to step back and assess your motives for the conversation. Are you entering into the conversation to gain insight, persuade the other of your superior viewpoint, or to emotionally connect with your mate?

Ideally each conversation may be viewed as an opportunity to connect emotionally as well as gain insight into the other person. If that be the case, positive outcomes are more certainly expected. The content, although troubling at times, will be understood and accepted if there is a strong emotional connection built upon mutual trust and respect. Differences of opinion may then be viewed as an extension of individuality rather than as a threat to the relationship.

If your goal is persuasion, understand that resolution may not necessarily go in the direction that you anticipated. Speaking over, interrupting, stonewalling, or dismissing your mate's opinions may lead to defensiveness. Once a defensive stance is assumed by either party, effective communication is severely compromised. Defensiveness interrupts the natural flow of the conversation. It is much easier at that point to dredge up "extra" ammunition from the past that is either irrelevant or at best, loosely related to the topic at hand. Most probably, if issues from the past do surface, they have not yet been resolved. So at that point, which issues become the topic of the conversation?

Also understand that RESOLUTION is the goal - not agreement. Resolution may be as simple as, " We agree to disagree, " or "We'll speak again on this topic." Be prepared to walk away when resolution is possible rather than insisting on agreement. This increases the likelihood that agreement will follow at a later date. If you close the conversation prior to escalating emotions over the NEED for agreement, you set the tone for further discussions rather than slamming the door behind you. Remember emotional connection fosters the further development of trust and respect.

Therefore, keep your conversations on point. Keep in mind that the primary goal of any discussion is advanced insight and emotional connectivity. Consider whether the goal is resolution or agreement. View every discussion for its positive potential rather than as an event that requires body armor to protect your emotional well being. The decision is yours.